InsaneJournal

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse? Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you

I never promised you a ray of light, I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday, I give you everything I have, the good, the bad. Why do you put me on a pedestal, I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below, So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there. NAME: Samantha Collins. NICKNAME: Sam. AGE/BIRTHDAY: 27, April 10th. GENDER: Female. RACE: Turned Werewolf. BIRTH LOCATION: Albany, NY. PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION: - Height: 5’4” - Eyes: Chocolate Brown - Hair: Shoulder-length, dark brown - Build: Slim DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Scars on her left arm and on the left side of her torso, inflicted by the werewolf who transformed her. SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Heterosexual. PERSONALITY: Sam is an odd mixture of confidence and neediness. Her father’s departure created a deep need for approval in her, which has colored her personality, nice and friendly. Yet her mother has blatantly favored her over her sister ever since, which has lead Sam to expect such high regards and to develop a certain arrogance. She knows what to do and she knows she can do it, but she also feels that if she steps away from that line she’ll lose everyone’s esteem. She needs to be in control to feel comfortable. Turning into a werewolf has robbed her of this feeling of control, leaving her insecure and troubled. Sam has always loved school and knowledge and she yearns to learn all she can about her new nature, hoping it will allow her to regain control. One thing is clear, I wear a halo, I wear a halo when you look at me, But standing from here, you wouldn't say so you wouldn't say so, if you were me FAMILY: - Father - David Collins, deceased [car accident] - Mother - Jeanette Collins, deceased [werewolf attack] - Sister: Jacquelinie “Jax” Collins [biteme] PERSONAL HISTORY: When Sam was growing up, Ronald Reagan was president, Michael Jackson was singing Thriller, the Commodore 64 was released, and her parents were happy together. Sam's early childhood memories are hazy, of course, but her father is omnipresent in them, smiling and laughing and hugging her. They’re almost her only memories of him – he left around her 9th birthday. Her sister wasn’t even born yet.. It goes without saying that life wasn’t the same after he left. She had a baby sister now, and her mother was always crying. David Collins moved to California and she barely ever saw him again until his death in a car accident, two years ago. He wrote letters at first, and called, but it didn’t last. Father leaving and Jax’s birth were forever entwined in the family history. Sam knows now that it wasn’t fair to her sister, but at 9, she couldn’t get past it. The example was coming right from her mother: Jeanette Collins always resented her younger daughter. The seeds of a family rift were sown. Her father’s departure left Sam with a thirst, a need, for approval. If she was good enough, maybe he’d come back. If she was a good girl, maybe it’d make sure her mother wouldn’t leave, too. She looked for approbation everywhere she could get it: from her mother, from her teachers, from her swimming coach, from her friends. From her sister, too, but that one was a dead end. Jeanette’s blatant favoritism created resentment in Jax, who in return rejected Sam and all that she represented. To say it didn’t hurt Sam would be lying. She loved her sister, wanted to share motherents with her, like she heard her friends talk about or like she saw in the movies. Every new attempt was met with the same hostility, though. The wound has never closed and the sisters’ relationship is still difficult to this day. Sam dated a lot during her teenage years, reveling in the attention and affection boys showed her. Swimming had sculpted her body and, combined with the rich brown eyes she had inherited from her father, gave her good looks that attracted her fair share of male attention. She couldn’t settle for only one boy. She dated off and on throughout her undergrad at SUNY in Albany. However Sam ambitioned to become a lawyer and got a scholarship at the Boston University School of Law, and left most of her dating ambition back in Albany. There, Sam flourished, growing into her own, away from her family. She loved her classes, confident she had made the right choice. Her dream was taking form, but three years later it would all come crashing down. One night while she was back home for the summer, she was out driving with her mother through a wood on a local highway and they got a flat tire. Neither of their cell phones got signal so, unable to call the AAA, they set out to change the punctured tire themselves. It was as they were jacking up the car, their backs to the wood, that it came out from behind and attacked them. Jeanette was killed, Sam mauled and bitten. Her life was saved by an approaching car that scared the wolf away. Sam remembered seeing the driver get out of his car to help them, before blacking out. She woke up in a hospital bed, Jax at her side. It was her sister who told her Jeanette had died. Sam coped by keeping herself busy with the funeral arrangements, death certificate and all that had to be done. A month passed, slower than ever and yet too fast, until the next full moon. Sam, ignorant until then, found out the hard way that the beast who’d attacked them was a werewolf and that she had been herself infected, as she was surprised by her first transformation. Fate wanted that Jax was home with her that night. The feral urge, kicking in for the first time, was too strong to resist. She managed to stop herself before she did too much damage to her sister, but it was too late: Jax was infected. Guilt isn’t a strong enough word to describe Sam's feelings. She felt resentment and anger towards her own fate, of course, but guilt towards her sister first and foremost. She was cursed and she had cursed her sister with her, becoming a monster like the one who had killed their mother. Their lives had changed. Going back to Boston was clearly out of the question. Horrified at the mere thought of the next full moon, of the risk of killing someone, of turning someone, Sam set out to find out as much as she could about werewolves, her lifelong thirst for knowledge now turned into a matter of survival. She needed to know as much as she could before the next full moon. She never knew how he found them – maybe her research and questions had caught his attention – but a scout found Jax and her and invited them to Halcyon Halls, a school for those like her. I always said that I would make mistakes, I'm only human, and that’s my saving grace, I fall as hard as I try So don't be blinded See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin, so pull me from that pedestal, I don't belong there. MAGICAL ABILITIES: N/A. WEAKNESSES: Silver, decapitation, spine trauma, severe head trauma and heart damage.. TRAINING/DEGREES: Some werewolf control training, as since she has arrived at Halcyon Halls. Otherwise, she was a university student before she became werewolf, and graduated with a French and International Relations major from SUNY-Albany. She has also completed her third year of law school at Boston University. SPECIAL SKILLS: Fairly good swimmer. Sam has taken swimming classes since childhood and was on her high school swim team and also competed throughout college. Consequence of her new werewolf nature, she heals faster and is stronger by moonlight. HOUSE: House of Fire. ROOMING WITH: Alone. NUMBER OF YEARS IN HALCYON: Arrived December of 2006. CLASSES: - Early morning - Numerology - Mid morning - Magical Creatures - Late morning - Herbology - Mid afternoon - Language: French - Late afternoon - Inner Beast Control Storylines THE FRIENDS Any of the people she knew back in college, either from SUNY or Boston. PB && OTHER Up to you. Other PB; Rachel Bilson DISCLAIMER; I am not Rachel, she is entirely her own. This journal is FAKE, so get over it. Why you think that you know me But In your eyes I am something above you It’s only in your mind Only in your mind I wear a Halo

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worst?
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you.